Salt is making a comeback. It got some bad press in the past but sugar is our new enemy. Salt has entered into a winning partnership with caramel but I wish it would leave chocolate alone. One of the most ambitious bakes in my new life is the Tea Cake.  While discussing the very tasty Tunnocks Tea Cakes with my lovely sister and brother in law I was set the challenge of recreating this treat. I had seen them being made on the BBC Great British Bake off.  While watching I wondered who in their right mind would attempt this at home. Its a few hours work for a very small yield (6 cakes). Yet, on a wet Saturday afternoon that’s exactly what Conor’s Daddy and I did. Here’s the proof:

The bake has three distinct elements; chocolate, biscuit and marshmallow. I had low expectations but I think we did a pretty good job.  Here’s the recipe: http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/chocolate_marshmallow_60410 This recipe adds 1/2 teaspoon of salt to the marshmallow. I think this is 1/2 teaspoon too much and takes away from the sweet goo. The salt works well in the biscuit though.

Since Conor died I am left with a broken heart. Some days it feels like a big gaping wound. During interactions with others it can feel like I’ve had salt rubbed into this wound. Words hurt. This was particularly apparent at Christmas with all the “Happy Christmas” messages along with “I expect you don’t want to know about Christmas “.  Yes, this was factually correct and no one intended harm but I wanted my life to be so different and it hurt to be reminded of this. It’s now hard to hear all the lovely summer plans. My summer will be punctuated with surviving Conor’s first anniversary, an anxious return to work and trips home to visit a very sick parent. I wanted these summer days to be so different. I anticipated days on the beach dipping Conor’s toes into the salty sea. Lack of words hurt too. Its every mother’s job to protect her child. Its my job to protect Conor’s memory. I ask that you speak Conor’s name. Tell your children about him and remember him as our son. The words “thinking of you and baby Conor” work for any occasion. Don’t be afraid to contact me out of the blue to tell me that you have thought of Conor. It may make me cry salty tears but you are helping to ease some of my pain. By releasing those salty tears you are adding a bit of sweetness back into my day.

*Top tip: Unless you like a challege, don’t bother making these! A box of  Tunnocks Tea Cakes from the shop will cost you  just €2.