A letter to Conor on his 3rd birthday…

To my Darling Conor,

Happy birthday to you. Can you believe it – 3 years!! That’s a whole extra finger to hold up Conor. ‘Three’ is a much harder word to say than ‘two’ but I’ll help you.

This year we’re missing not just a son but also a big brother and I have found your 3rd birthday even harder than the first two.  We had a special day to celebrate your little life.  We got you a blue star balloon, new plants and Mummy lovingly gave 3 coats of varnish (one for each year) to the Big Brother plaque that your fairy godmother had made for you. We wrote your name on the beach we took you to on the day of your funeral and ate birthday cake (there’s always cake) with your grandparents & Auntie. Lots of people sent us messages and others wrote your name in the sand too. It lifts my spirits to have you remembered in this way.

We are finding ways to include you in our little family. Your little brother looks at your pictures, hears your name, visits your grave and pulls at my star necklace (my lovely niece says that’s how he can touch and play with you). I continue to be your over protective Mummy Conor. I include you in conversations so everyone knows I’m a Mummy to two special boys.

What a year we have had together though Conor. Come here til I tell you all about it…

Can you believe it; we made it into a national paper? Here’s our Irish Independent article….

You won’t know this but when I was a little girl I wanted to be a writer as I used to love writing stories. I could never have imagined that one day I’d be in the paper for writing our own story.

What an adventure we have had travelling the world Conor. Together we have touched down in 84 countries! I can’t believe that Cakes for Conor has had been read in so many places (in blue on the map). You are world famous my darling boy. When you were growing inside me I always hoped you’d have a curiosity about the world and a lust for travelling.

We had the first “Baked with Love Day”. People baked cakes and shared them with family and friends to remember people who have died. We remembered you and Grandad John with our friends. We’re going to have another day later this year. Mummy wants your legacy to be one of remembrance. It’s easier to move forward by remembering.

Your little brother and I have set up a Rainbow Baby & Parent Group. I do the bad singing and he does the giggling.  We fly past your star in the “Zoom Zoom Zoom, we’re going to the moon” song. We get the chance to eat cake (!) and talk about all our children at it. It’s the first thing I have done where I feel like I am giving time to both my special boys.

This is a long letter but there has been so much to tell you. I am so very proud of the impact you have had on not just our lives but on the lives of others Conor. Let’s see what the next year will bring. I miss you so very much and I love you to your star and back (the long way round). Happy birthday with love from your Mummy xx⭐️x