Tomorrow the people of Ireland will vote on a proposal to change the constitution. The proposed change concerns the regulation of termination of pregnancy (abortion). The No campaign seeks no change to the current constitution in which termination is illegal in all cases apart from imminent danger to a mother’s life. The Yes campaign is looking for a change. Should the Yes side win, the constitution will allow for abortion to take place in a greater number of circumstances. This post will not be about how I might vote but about what it’s been like to witness the campaigning as a mother of a baby boy who was stillborn. The referendum is everywhere, it’s in our papers, on our radio/TV and in our streets. The campaigning has been nasty at times and difficult to witness.
I have bereaved friends who sit very strongly on the Yes & No sides of this referendum. I also have friends who are undecided. Discussion around the referendum has been so divisive that it has been banned from the social media bereavement groups that I am part of. One of the arguments for the Yes campaign relates to foetal fatal abnormalities identified in scans at 20 weeks. It looks to give parents the option of terminating such pregnancies in Ireland. I have met couples who travelled to England for a termination following such a diagnosis and also know couples who continued with their pregnancies. They each did what they believed to be right for their families. While the campaigning is divisive, both sets of couples share the same grief for their babies who couldn’t stay.
There are posters all over lampposts. Some of these show scan pictures of babies in the womb. These take me right back to bad news day and the scan that confirmed Conor’s death. My walk to town is now filled with images that are traumatic. There are parts of Conor’s story I never want to forget but equally there are parts that I don’t want to revisit.
While I can totally appreciate the position that some women find themselves in with a crisis pregnancy, the idea of an “unwanted pregnancy” triggers so much. My baby was so very wanted but he died anyway. I also know couples who have their lives on hold as they try to conceive a precious baby.
I can’t wait for this referendum to be over. I am counting the hours before the posters come down and the airwaves no longer focus on babies. I just hope that whatever the outcome the bitterness that has been associated with the campaigns will morph into kindness. Behind all of this are stories of women & babies who deserve to be treated kindly. I urge any of you, whatever your beliefs to reach out to those who like me may have found it difficult to witness this referendum.