I recently attended a charity ball run by and for the A Little Lifetime Foundation (ALLF). I shared a table with a loss Mum friend I met through the ALLF support groups. It was the first big social event in my new life. I went all out and had my hair and make up professionally done. I wore a fancy dress and heels. I hobbled my way into the function room surrounded by the glitz and glamour of my fellow 400+ ball attendees. I even won a little spot prize but unfortunately fell short of wining the top raffle prize of a trip to Barbados. It was a wonderful night and I felt honoured that so many came to support the charity that supports us.
I made a new discovery that night at the ball – I’m missing my groove. I was never a great dancer but would always have spent time on the dance floor at weddings and parties; my only goal being to move in time with the music! I am not sure where my groove has gone. What I do know is when the band started playing I didn’t feel or connect with the music, instead, I could feel a physical tension in my body rise up from my by then sore feet. Since Conor died I find I can no longer “let myself go”. Maybe the band Deee-Lite were right when they sang “Groove is in the heart”. If the heart is broken what chance does groove get? It’s not just dancing but I rarely ever laugh out loud even when my brain tells me that something is really hilarious. Will this every come back? There was a time I could never have imagined getting all dressed up and enjoying a large social event, so I expect it will. Learning to live with grief is a longer term challenge than I could have ever imagined. I am constantly finding ways it has changed me and some of these have taken me by surprise. Maybe my groove is simply taking a break to allow the heart to do some healing.
Here are some mince pie twists that were made for a group of special Mums. I now help to run an ALLF group for Mothers parenting a new baby following a loss. I lead a singing and music session with the rainbow babies and this is followed by a cuppa, a chat and of course cake. It’s a wonderful way for me to feel I am giving both my boys my time. The babies have fun and they have no problems feeling and connecting with the music.
This is likely to be my last post before Christmas. I would like to take this opportunity to wish the readers of Cakes for Conor a peaceful Christmas surrounded by love. Thank you for all the encouragement over 2017.
The recipe for the mince pie twists is from http://www.jusrol.co.uk
2 thoughts on “Groove is in the Heart”
I know exactly what you mean. Before our son, Jake died, my life was filled with music. I played with friends for 40 years, sang with and to Jake throughout his entire life. When he died, he took the music with him. I haven’t been able to open any of the dusty instrument cases that stand brooding in my office. I say, maybe soon, but that was 4 years ago. Whether we can ever get our groove back remains to be seen. I wish you peace in the coming years.
I am sorry Jake died and music left your life. I expect it’s still there somewhere. I hope you are surrounded by people who can help you to find that voice once again.
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