This Sunday is Mother’s Day in Ireland and the UK. It’s a celebration of Motherhood but has become another survival day in the calendar for the bereaved. This year I’ve been receiving reminders of the day everywhere. The baking pages I follow on social media have features on cakes. The hotels I’ve stayed at have emailed overnight deals. I can’t walk down the high street without witnessing floral window displays. I’ve sent my mother a generic card with my own message because I could not bring myself to shop for a Mother’s Day card.
Mother’s Day is another trigger in a world of “what should be”. There should be a one year old leaving inky fingerprints on a card bought by his Daddy. There should be hugs and kisses. Instead there are empty arms and broken hearts. This is our second Mother’s Day since Conor died and it already feels more of a challenge than last year. The loss of a child is for life and the triggers continue to hurt.
Recently someone told me she knows a mother who also lost a baby at term due to a sudden stillbirth. She said it’s this mother’s second child. She then said it would be worse for her as having another child she knows what she’s lost. This comment has offended and upset me deeply. The loss of any child is huge, whether it’s the couple’s first, 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc. Those of us who have lost our first child don’t need to have experienced raising another child to know what we’re missing. Our empty arms ache for the child we once carried. We also grieve our dreams of parenthood. None of us know if we’ll ever get the chance to parent a live child.
I made these lemon cupcakes for friends of mine. They loved the lemon butter icing. It’s made by simply mixing lemon juice with butter and icing sugar. I really loved doing the finishing touches to make the cakes look pretty. I’d like to dedicate these floral cakes to all bereaved mothers this Mother’s Day but especially to all those who know my empty arms. We are still mothers and our role is worthy of being celebrated too. Bon appetite….
Cakes for Conor 
I’m sorry that person made such an insensitive and inaccurate comment. It’s an impossible journey, regardless of whether it’s anyone’s first, second, etc.
I have an older son and in some ways it’s easier to have someone to focus on, but it’s never easy.
Sending hugs and strength xx
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Thank you for reading the post. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the virtual hugs xx
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What a dumb comment! As someone who also lost my first I too find this offensive. So sorry you had to hear this stupid comment.
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Thank you Christine,
I am so sorry you lost your first child too. Life is very cruel. Take care xx
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Absolutely spot on and beautifully written as ever Imogen. The comments people make continue to astound me. Mothers day always falls around the time of Noahs birthday (he would be 2 on Friday) and the middle of March is therefore very much a period of survival. Your floral cupcakes are beautiful – thank you x
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Hi Lisa, lovely to hear from you. I often think of the three of you. Noah’s birthday should be so different. I hope you get through this month ok. Hi to Richard too xx
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I’ve been reading your blog and your writing is incredible. You have such a gift for it. Your baking, as with your writing, keeps getting better and better as well. If only hearts could get better and better but you’ve helped everyone to see that it’s not as simple as that. I’ve shared your page on Facebook and it’s already being shared. Did you have Australia as one of your countries?! This is a comment from one of my friends: The writing is so beautiful. So real. And just utterly devastating. Such a strong lady – although I would bet that’s not how she would describe herself. Powerful stuff x
So, thank you for writing and baking. Keep going, girlie. Keep taking it one day at a time. I like to think of Conor as being with his Grandad and will happily talk about Conor with you anytime. xxxx
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Thank you Sas for your lovely words and thank you too for sharing your blog. It might just reach someone else who needs to know they are not alone. Yes, there are viewings from Australia (Germany & UK ) today. My third most read country is Brazil!!! I hope you four are keeping well. I think often of Jamie’s family too. Thanks again for your kind words xx
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