After months of writing about Conor it feels right to introduce you to my amazing son…
Every parent thinks their baby is the most beautiful but “Beautiful” is the word most use when I show people my favourite photo of Conor. He had an absolutely beautiful little face. His profile was identical to his Daddy’s. I can still picture Conor as I watch his Daddy sleep. Here is Conor in the first baby grow ever bought for him after his 20 week scan. He was affectionately known as Junior during his 41 weeks and this is written on his clothes and hat. (The hat which is 3 sizes too big for him!) Conor had a most perfect little body and the softest hands. Sadly we’ll never know what colour eyes he had. This photo was taken during the short time we had to say both hello and goodbye to Conor.
I miss my little boy and the life he should be having so much. My empty arms ache for him. He is the first person I think about as I wake up and the last as I go to sleep. This photo is the face I see in my thoughts. Part of me died with Conor and I miss that person too. Somehow after Conor died the rest of me kept breathing. As time goes on it is getting easier to live my new life. The sadness never goes away though.
However it is Conor’s little life and not just his death that has changed me. I have a discovered a courage and a voice I never knew I had. It is something I have observed in parents of living children who would do anything for their children. My new voice will do anything to keep the memory of Conor and others who are sadly no longer with us (my dear Dad), alive. They can live on forever in our hearts and minds. I believe it can be Conor’s life’s legacy that one by one the bereaved will find their voices.
To my fellow cake lovers, Cakes will return next post. There are lemon cupcakes and a chocolate log to be written about.